Quora Answers: The Argumentative Narcissist


Why Does A Narcissist Always Start Arguments Over Little Things?


Narcissists intentionally start arguments in order to provoke an emotional reaction from you.

When the inevitable boredom sets in, they lure you into circular conversations to entertain themselves.

Picking a fight over something silly or inconsequential is pretty much guaranteed to aggravate you.

Conversations are competitions to narcissists, and they play to win. By constantly changing the rules, they know your irritation will increase significantly.

They create drama and chaos to force you to react emotionally. You try to stay calm, but you’re human.

After a while, you’ll have a normal reaction and snap. Once you’ve lost your patience and show your temper, they’ve won.

Now he’ll calmly tell you, in a condescending voice, that you have anger issues. According to him, you’re the one with the problem.

When normal people get into arguments, they’re attempting to resolve some type of issue or conflict.

Narcissists argue to create even more conflict. They especially love when the conflict is within your own mind.

After the argument, you’ll think about what he said and blame yourself for overreacting. You’ll wonder if you’re the crazy one.

First, the narcissist drained your energy with the relentless tossing of word salad. Now he’s continuing to erode your identity.

Because he was able to make you doubt yourself, another layer of self-esteem has been whittled away.

In the mind of a narcissist, that’s two victories in one. With that level of success, arguing is a game they never get tired of playing.


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Quora Answers: Violence, Drugs, And Narcissists


Is It Normal For Narcissists To Use Drugs & Alcohol? And To Become Violent & Abusive?


It’s relatively common for narcissists to be substance abusers.

Every one I’ve known and/or with whom I had a relationship abused substances on a regular basis.

Sometimes it was drugs. Sometimes it was alcohol.

Lots of times, it was both.

These narcs didn’t just use drugs and alcohol.

They abused drugs and alcohol, to the point of extreme addiction.

It’s also the norm for narcissists to be abusive, although they aren’t all violent.

Covert Narcissists abuse people in ways that aren’t easily identifiable.

Sabotage, smear campaigns, gaslighting, and immoral manipulation techniques are examples of covert abuse.

Malignant Narcissists are well known for being violent and outwardly abusive. That’s not to say they don’t engage in covert abuse, though.

This type of narcissist will abuse in every way possible and are the likeliest to injure or murder their partners.

Any narcissist is capable of being abusive.

What differentiates one from the other is the manner in which they abuse.



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Processing Pain Is Necessary In Order To Heal From Narcissistic Abuse


Quora Answers: May I Ask Your Advice? I’m Having A Really Bad Time After Being Discarded By My Narcissist Ex, And I Just Now Realized He’s A Narcissist.


First and foremost, have mercy on yourself.

Understand that you are not to blame for being conned by a narcissist.

So many people who have never been entwined in a narcissist’s web of lies falsely believe that it wouldn’t happen to them.

They are dead wrong. It can happen to anybody.

Prepare yourself mentally for pain.

Think about what you’re going to go through on your path to recovery in the same way you would if you just broke a bone.

You know you are going to face a certain amount of pain.

There’s no way to get around it.

So accept it.

Embrace it, even, as a valuable life lesson. And learn everything you can from it.

Educate yourself on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome.

Knowledge is power, though it’s not a pain reliever.

In fact, there will be times when the knowledge you’re gaining exacerbates your pain.

Accept the emotional agony so you can process it.

Allow yourself to cry, scream, and rage when you get the urge.

Find a safe place so you can get it all out.

Purging the negativity is essential and you can’t do it if you restrain yourself.

Be open to new coping strategies.

I took up kickboxing and found it to be very helpful in releasing pent-up anger and rage.

I also find music to be therapeutic.

Everyone deals with things differently, so what works for some people won’t necessarily work for others.

But there’s one thing that is true for everyone.

If you don’t allow yourself to feel the pain, the humiliation, the loss, and the grief, you will not be able to heal.

Your spirit and soul are wounded.

Just like with a broken bone, you won’t recover without facing some necessary pain.

Accept that knowledge and give yourself the time and self-care that are necessary for a full recovery.



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A Global Partnership To Help Victims Of Narcissistic Abuse




As an Advocate and Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse, I know firsthand how badly the justice system is failing. After enduring extreme abuse at the hands of Narcissists, victims seeking help are further traumatized by the justice system.

Most victims don’t have the financial resources to get out of their abusive situations. When they seek assistance from those sworn to protect and serve, it’s a devastating blow to find out there’s no help available.

Sure, there are shelters for temporary protection, but the conditions at those places are often substandard, at best. Despite phenomenal efforts by survivors and advocates, little progress has been made that actually helps victims.

I have personally contacted organizations on behalf of victims who were in emergency situations. They desperately needed help for themselves and their children.

To my shock and dismay, none of these women actually received assistance from any of the sources I contacted. Instead, they were forced to stay with their abusers and fend for themselves.

Unfortunately, the extreme abuse they’re enduring will escalate, and their lives remain at risk.

Unless they get help, the likelihood of escaping their nightmare is slim.Although it’s not my intention to diminish the importance of continuing to raise awareness of Narcissistic Abuse, that effort alone is not enough.

As an Advocate, many victims reach out to me for advice. Sometimes, they just need someone who understands what they’re going through. Sometimes, they simply don’t know where else to turn.

While I appreciate the responsibility, it’s very frustrating to be unable to find a solution that will lead them to safety. I’m tired of failing them. I’m tired of society failing them.

Narcissistic Abuse has reached epidemic proportions. The problem isn’t limited to the United States, by any means. It’s an issue in every country around the globe.

So why aren’t world leaders doing something about it? I don’t know the answer to that question. But I do know of one very progressive leader who has taken the initiative to raise awareness.

Saudi Arabia’s Crown Prince, Mohammad bin Salman, has risen to the challenge.

To his credit, he is already helping to Raise Awareness. For several months now, he’s made my blog posts available in his kingdom. He understands the importance of knowledge. He also understands that something more needs to be done to help. Prince Mohammad agrees that victims in life-threatening situations should be the first priority.

Working together as global partners, Serena Prince-375 Media and the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia want to make a difference. By establishing a fund specifically for victims in emergency situations, we hope to save lives.

Obviously, we can’t do it alone. We need other people to get involved and turn this into a full-fledged movement. It can be done with enough ambition, corporate sponsors, and individuals who want to make the world a safer place.

Saudi Arabia will match every dollar that is raised.

I’ll be reaching out to businesses, organizations, Influencers, and Advocates to ask for support. I’ll post regular updates and continue providing information in order to get as many people involved as possible.

If you’re reading this, we need your help too. Whether it’s donating your time or offering monetary support, I’m grateful for any and all help.





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Quora Answers: Baffling Facts About Healing From Narcissistic Abuse



Why Am I Suddenly Depressed Even Though It’s Been 3 Months Since I Went No Contact From My Narcissist Ex?


Most survivors agree that it takes an average of twelve to eighteen months after the end of a psychopathic, or narcissistic, relationship to begin to feel normal again.

Even then, there will be days when a survivor feels depressed, angry, or sad, without fully understanding why.

There are many reasons why this happens.

A lot depends on the length of the relationship and the degree of abuse the victim suffered.

Another factor is the individual survivor’s commitment to self-healing.

And their desire to thrive, as opposed to merely surviving.

After only three months, you haven’t had enough time to heal properly.

You’re probably still trying to come to terms with the fact that you were with a narcissist.

Now you have to allow your mind, body, and spirit enough time to regenerate.

There’s no way to rush the hard work and gut-wrenching self-reflection required to heal from narcissistic abuse.

And it’s something only you can do.

Therapists, knowledge, and survivors forums will certainly help.
Only you can heal yourself from within, though.

I’m not going to kid you, it is tough!! But very much worth the effort.

You’ll have moments when you think you’re completely over your ordeal, only to wake up the next day feeling like a dark cloud has enveloped you.

And deprived you of the light you had only just discovered.

There’s no rhyme or reason.

No right way or wrong way to heal from narcissistic abuse.

It’s something you have to figure out for yourself. As with anything in life, what works for some may not work for others.

I had a meltdown myself last week.

I came across a picture that had been taken a couple of months after a painful and complicated operation to replace three ruptured disks in my neck.

My then-husband, a Malignant Narcissist, had thrown me onto our back deck in a violent rage. The way I landed basically broke my neck in three places.

The surgeon had to make the incision in the front of my neck, leaving an ugly scar, where none had been.

Not to mention the pain and suffering I endured because of what my husband had done.

Seeing that picture sent me into a tailspin of long-held anger and rage.

Hatred and sadness.

It seemed like I was going to explode if I didn’t scream and kick at something.

So I went to the gym and did some kick-boxing.

I beat the crap out of a punching bag, imagining that it was the narcissistic asshole who had caused so much misery in my life.

I released as much of the pent-up anger as possible. Then I took a shower and cried like a baby.

I allowed myself as long as I needed to process my rage.

Which turned out to be a pretty long time.

After getting it out, the burden that had been on my heart was released.

I came to the realization that one of the reasons it takes so long to heal from narcissistic abuse is because there’s so much to heal from.

When we’re living in hell with the devil, we don’t allow ourselves to process our own emotions.

We’re too concerned with trying to appease our abuser.

We push back our own anger, pain, sadness, or whatever the emotion happens to be.

We suppress so many emotions, so many times, that we forget about the need to release them.

We do this out of self-preservation.


After all, processing emotions will always seem less important than avoiding a beating.

Or trying to keep our kids from hearing the vile onslaught of angry words and accusations the narcissist projects on us so often.

Suppressing emotions, but never allowing ourselves to process them, will eventually destroy us from within, though.

Sort of like a cancer that can lay dormant for years.

At some point, the poison begins to spread.

It robs us of joy and happiness, causing crippling depression and anxiety.

For no apparent reason.

Your relationship with the narcissist may seem like only a painful memory from the past when the cancer begins to spread.

Something you survived and thought you’d overcome.

Yet suddenly, you find yourself in self-destruct mode.

Or so painfully depressed you can’t get out of bed.

For this reason, it’s imperative to face our demons when they rear their ugly heads. When painful memories demand our attention, I think it’s best to give it to them.

Give the pain your undivided attention so you can face it, process it, and then tell it to fuck off.

When another disturbing experience comes to mind, do it again.

Eventually you’ll purge the narcissistic experience and keep it from destroying you.

Not only that, you will be stronger, wiser, and more empathetic than you ever were before.


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Originally Answered On Quora By Serena Prince. Updated 07/03/2020

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HOW DO NARCISSISTS DISCARD THEIR PARTNERS?


Narcissists discard their partners in a way that is sure to inflict maximum damage and cause the most pain.

Let me offer a scenario:

Things have been going surprisingly well between you and the Narcissist.

You spent all afternoon in bed together, and he was constantly telling you how much he loves you.

Not only that, but it was almost like it used to be.

He made you feel loved by looking deeply into your eyes and kissing you softly.

You didn’t just have sex. You made love, and it was absolutely wonderful. You’re so happy you can’t stop smiling.

You can’t stop looking at him. Touching him. Adoring him. Loving him so much.

You sense him staring at you.

When you look over at him, you see a very odd expression on his face. He’s got a maniacal look in his eyes.

And the creepiest smile you’ve ever seen.

Chills run through your body, and you barely recognize the man beside you.

He offers to go pick up something to eat and you quickly agree.

For some reason, you suddenly feel like you need a few minutes to yourself.

Before he leaves, he hugs you tightly and things feel okay again. You tell yourself that you’re being silly and try to relax.

You even start to feel guilty for doubting him. You take a deep breath and let your mind wander.

While reliving the afternoon’s magic, you lazily drift off to sleep.

You awaken with a start, shocked to realize you had been sleeping for almost three hours.

Where was the Narcissist?

You search throughout the house, feeling slightly uneasy. He’s not there.

You look outside but don’t see his car in the driveway.

He never made it back!!

In a near-panic, you grab your phone and dial his number. No answer.

You text him and pray for a quick response.

But you don’t get a quick response. You don’t get any response.

A feeling of dread engulfs you. What if he was in a car wreck?

You call all the hospitals to see if he’s been admitted. He hasn’t.

You continue to call his phone throughout the night, to no avail.

The next morning, you start calling everybody who might have an idea of where he is.

Nothing. Strangely, no one answers your calls. Nobody responds to your texts.

At first, you’re in shock. You don’t know what to think.

On one hand, you feel like you’ll die if you don’t find out something soon. On the other, you’re scared to find out.

You start to think about the times he would disappear after a fight. And the times he said he’d be home from hunting after daylight.

But it was after daylight two days later before he actually showed up.

Memories come flooding back. So many times you knew he was lying, but you let him get away with it.

A sick feeling floods through you as the truth begins to painfully reveal itself.

He’s not coming back!!

And he doesn’t. He seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth.

You don’t get a single message from him. Not one phone call.

A few days later, you’re checking out his Facebook page when you see it.

The agony is unbearable as you stare at the picture of him smiling happily with another woman.

You want to die when you read his status saying they’re in a relationship.

Maximum amount of damage inflicted.


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