I Know How Murder Victims Feel Before They Die

I can still hear the excitement in my husband’s voice, telling me his plans for that day. His gun was holstered on his hip, and he was holding a large machete, hand-crafted for me. Or more specifically, for my death.

“Are you listening to me, bitch? I’m going to kill you today. But I’m not doing it here. You know that field by the lake in Mer Rouge?

A Time To Kill

I’m taking you there, and I’m going to blow your pretty little head off. Then I’m going to cut your body up and feed you to the fish.”


I was on the floor, hands tied behind my back, dazed from a blow to the head. His fist came out of nowhere, knocking me out cold.

Before that, we were getting along fine, and I was struggling to comprehend what was happening.

“Let’s go. I’ve waited a long time for this,” he said, as he snatched me up by the hair. He dragged me through the house, kicking and screaming.

Without the use of my arms, I knew I didn’t stand a chance, but I wasn’t about to make it any easier for him.

Once he got me outside, he forced me into the back seat of my SUV. Then he smashed his fist into my head, and once again, rendered me unconscious.

A Nightmare That Won’t Wake

“Wake up and listen to me, Serena.This truck is mine now, since you’re about to be dead, so I really don’t want to shoot you in here. But I will, if you try to do something stupid.

You better think about Colton. Remember, I’ll be the one taking him to school from now on. You don’t want him seeing your blood and brains splattered everywhere, do you?

So just stay still and be a good girl. Now is probably a good time to start saying your prayers.”

Never in my life had I been so afraid. My teeth chattered, and my body trembled uncontrollably. Paralyzed by fear, I took his advice and began to pray.

A Conversation With Satan

“Hey Serena, do you remember those big turtles I showed you, last time we were at the lake?

I’m feeding you to them. Won’t be anything left, either. Cause if the turtles miss anything, the fish’ll get it.

Do you know what I mean? The turtles and fish are gonna eat you, and I’m gonna eat them. It’s like I’m eating you myself. What do you think about that? It’s funny, isn’t it?”

He said these things as if we were having a casual conversation. His jovial tone made the words even more chilling, and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.


I was devastated for my son, Colton. He’s autistic, and very dependent on me. My death would be so hard for him.

And I thought about my daughter, Savannah, who died at birth. At least I was finally going to meet her. It was ironic that I had to die to get away from the devil.

“Are you scared? You should be. I know I told you to pray, but it won’t do any good.

God’s not listening to you. He already knows you’re going straight to hell. When you get there, tell your momma I said hi.”

That day still haunts me sometimes. What saved my life was his desire not to go to jail for kidnapping and murder. Driving to the lake, he remembered the security cameras I’d gotten installed. 

It had briefly crossed my mind, but I assumed he turned them off before throwing the first punch.Thank God, I was wrong.



October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Narcissists And Serial Infidelity Go Hand In Hand



Quora Answers: Is It Possible For A Very Sexually Active Narcissist To Go Into A Monogamous Relationship If He Has E.D.?

As crazy as it sounds, probably not. My former business partner was a covert narcissist, and at 80 years old, complained regularly about having E.D.

He still chased women shamelessly, even though his long-suffering wife was an amazing woman.

Shortly before he died, he made me his power of attorney, and I handled all of his business and personal finances.

No less than five young women contacted me to ask for money. He had been taking care of all their bills, and they weren’t ready for the gravy train to end.

I don’t know how much sex was involved, considering his claims of impotence. But I do know he was still hopelessly addicted to narcissistic supply.

As a matter of fact, he was calling his sources right up until the day he died.

I guess anything is possible, but I certainly wouldn’t bet on a narcissist ever being completely monogamous.

They’re just not made that way.


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Quora Answers: Is Some Narcissistic Supply Better Than Others?



Is The Fuel Derived From Married Or Committed Targets More Satisfying To A Narcissist?

Sometimes it is, depending on the situation.

For the most part, a narcissist doesn’t care one way or another about a target’s relationship status. A target is a target, married or not.

However, narcissists love a challenge and love to cause misery for other people.

If a target is in a relationship with a person the narcissist perceives as having wronged them, their satisfaction will be increased considerably.

The thrill of revenge, along with the excitement of the chase, will make the fuel especially rewarding to the narcissist.

With that said, there are single, unattached targets whose fuel is equally satisfying.

For example, a narcissist finally succeeds in conquering a woman who didn’t succumb easily to his charms.

He had to put forth more effort, and for a longer time, than he normally does. Once the target becomes the victim, and at long last, the narcissist gets the much sought-after fuel, it’ll be especially rewarding, as well.

But no matter how satisfying each target’s fuel happens to be, narcissists still quickly become bored.

They will always seek even more narcissistic supply from other sources. Always.



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Quora Answers: Does A Narcissist Become Cold After Sleeping With A Woman?



In actuality, a narcissist is cold before, during, and after sleeping with a woman. They just act like they’re not while they’re trying to reel you in.

Once they achieve that goal, they fluctuate between hot and cold to confuse you and keep you guessing.

Narcissists are very skilled actors who can convince you that they’re sincere, loving, and that they feel a strong connection to you.

During sex, they’ll look deeply into your eyes and whisper all the words you want to hear. You’ll believe those words and think the incredible sex is strengthening an amazing bond.

Afterwards, you’re left wondering how someone who showed so much intensity can suddenly become cold and unfeeling. The truth is that they may have showed intensity, but they didn’t feel it.

They were only pretending to be warm and loving. The coldness you witnessed is a more realistic view of his true nature, although even that is just a glimpse.

Until you’ve completely lost your usefulness to him, you won’t see the full picture of what lies beneath the mask. Once that happens, cold will be an understatement.


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Quora Answers: The Subtypes Of Narcissists



What Are The Different Types Of NPD?
When I Read About This, It Seems My Ex, Who Was Clinically Diagnosed, Has A Dash Over All Types In The Mix.


People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are distinguished by which type of narcissism they have, based on their actions. Although those with the disorder don’t necessarily fit into just one category, there are three subtypes: Exhibitionist – also referred to as Somatic; Closet – also referred to as Covert; and Toxic – also referred to as Malignant.

Narcissism exists on a spectrum; therefore, each individual’s symptoms will have different levels of severity. Regardless of category, all narcissists have to meet five of these nine criteria to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

  • A sense of self-importance or grandiose behavior
  • Fantasies about being wealthy, influential, or famous
  • Exaggerating their abilities and accomplishments
  • Craving admiration and praise
  • Preoccupied with beauty, love, power, or success
  • Extreme sense of entitlement
  • Believing themselves to be unique or special
  • Exploiting others
  • Lacking empathy

Exhibitionist Narcissists:

These types always have to be the center of attention. They do not hide their belief that they’re superior to others. Those who are classified as an exhibitionist are the stereotypical grandiose narcissist. Their behaviors are overt, or not hidden.

NPD is a Cluster B Personality Disorder.

They’re bullies who won’t hesitate to yell at waiters and subordinates. Often rude, loud, and obnoxious, they’re easier to recognize than the other types due to their extroverted actions. They’ll never apologize for their behaviors, nor have any remorse for the abuse they inflict on others.


They see nothing wrong with causing pain because they deem everyone as inferior to themselves. They have an inflated sense of entitlement, use others mercilessly to further their own agenda, and completely lack empathy.

They are incapable of loving anyone, including their own children. They’re blatant liars who will deny culpability, even if caught in the act of wrongdoing.

Closet Narcissists:

Closet Narcissists have a completely different persona. They may seem withdrawn or inhibited, often appearing shy and awkward. Unlike the overt, grandiosity of the Exhibitionist, the Closet Narcissist’s behaviors are covert, or hidden.

These types are harder to identify as predators due to their hidden narcissistic behaviors. They are very adept at not showing their true natures, always careful to keep their masks intact. Inside their minds, though, they consider themselves superior and believe others to be beneath them.

Lacking empathy and the ability to form attachments to others, they’re very skilled actors who can easily convince victims that they’re sincere, loving, and kind. They go about sabotaging the lives of others covertly, often being above suspicion due to their outward appearances.

Covert Narcissists are fully capable of physical violence. Maintaining their persona is of utmost importance, which makes them more likely to hire someone else to do their dirty work.


Toxic Narcissists:

Toxic Narcissists are sadistic and horribly cruel, though victims rarely see that side until their lives are already intwined. Their behaviors may be overt, covert, or a combination of both. Prone to violence, they use intimidation techniques to cause fear in their victims.

Like other narcissists, they enjoy creating drama and chaos in the lives of their victims. The Malignant Narcissist takes it up a notch, however. They are the ones most likely to seriously injure or murder their partners.

Sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths, the Toxic Narcissist is capable of unimaginable acts of cruelty, especially to those closest to him. They’re sexually deviant and do not believe laws apply to them.

Besides having NPD, this type also has at least one additional Cluster B Personality Disorder. They may exhibit symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and/or Histrionic Personality Disorder.


Orcid ID 0000-0003-4028-598X

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What’s It Like For An INFJ In A Long-Term Narcissistic Relationship?



It’s an emotional torture chamber that gradually destroys your spirit, erodes your confidence, and undermines all hope of escaping.

In order to survive, you begin playing a mental chess game against the Narcissist who’s holding you captive.

The odds seem stacked against you. After all, you’re a Novice and he’s the Chess Master.

For a long time, he amuses himself by playing a cat-and-mouse game with you. His confidence soars every time he watches you cower in defeat.

But you’re an INFJ.

So you watch him, and you learn to play his evil game.

It’s not what you want to do. It’s what you have to do to ever have a chance at reclaiming your life.

Being an INFJ is a double-edged sword.

You hate yourself for getting trapped by the devil and becoming a victim. You want to know why the man you married became a monster.

You want to know how someone with a lower I.Q. was able to ensnare you and bleed you dry.

You want answers. You need answers.

You have to have answers because your inquisitive mind can’t stand not knowing.

So you waste a lot of time and energy searching for an explanation that you won’t find until after you’ve gotten out of hell.

You no longer allow yourself to feel your own emotions since that’s the equivalent of committing suicide of the soul.

You begin to mirror the narcissist in order to gain entrance into his twisted mind.

It’s a scary, dark place and evil runs rampant there.

You think like he thinks, and you realize something he’s known all along. Something you used to know, without a doubt.

You’re smarter. You’re stronger. You can beat him at his own game.

So that’s what you do.

You plot a strategy that will enable you to escape, and then you execute your plan.

You finally manage to gain the freedom from hell that once seemed impossible.

What you don’t realize is that you’ll be trapped in purgatory for a while as you attempt to rebuild your life.

Escaping from hell was only the first step in what will be a very long journey to happiness and normalcy.

But you’re an INFJ.

So you figure out what you have to do.

You plot a strategy, and then you execute your plan.



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