Coping After A Narcissistic Relationship




Quora Answers:

The Question: Realizing the narcissist did not really feel any empathy and love for me makes me intensely sad.

It’s almost too much to bear.

Can anybody relate to this? And how do you cope with it? It hurts so much.


I can absolutely relate to this.

As can every other victim who has been duped by a narcissist.

You are so right.

It is intensely sad.

So painful that you can’t imagine ever being able to get over it.

And you don’t.

Not for a long time, anyway.

Even then it’s more like you just finally learn to live with it.

In the aftermath of an 18-year marriage to a Malignant Narcissist, I was utterly confused and completely uncertain about what to do to even try to heal.

I read everything about Narcissism that I could get my hands on.

I learned that I wasn’t the crazy one after all.

And I finally got some validation for the way I felt.

But I still had this godawful ache in my belly.

And I was still so profoundly sad!!

Knowledge may be power. But it wasn’t powerful enough to stop my pain.

The books and articles I read told me I’d feel better once I healed what was wrong inside me to have tolerated the abuse.

Huh?

And just how the hell am I supposed to do that?!!

Time. Self-reflection.

Facing my inner demons.

If I had known how to do that to begin with, I wouldn’t be in this situation, now would I?

I could understand this advice on an intellectual level.

But emotionally, I didn’t have a clue.

Then one day I started reading the book “Psychopath Free” by Jackson Mackenzie.

And it reached me in a way no other written words had.

In the book, the author describes a scene where he finally was able to reach the young boy he had been.

He gives readers such a powerful example of self-reflection that it cuts through all the confusion.

At least it did for me.

Suddenly I knew what I needed to do.

So I did what the author suggested.

I won’t try to kid you. It’s painful.

You have to allow your conscious mind to go where it hasn’t been willing to go yet.

You think you’ve been pretty damn strong considering you survived hell.

And you are.

But merely surviving still isn’t living.

You have to identify your original injury. Your original abuser.

Then you have to face that pain head on.

If you don’t, you’ll still be trapped.

Without knowing what’s holding you captive.

Obviously what works for some people won’t work for others.

But at this point, what else do you have to lose?


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Quora Answers: INFJ Personality




How Do I Deal With An Angry INFJ Who Needs Space?




If I’m angry and tell someone I need space, the worst thing that person can, do from my standpoint, is to invade that space.

If left alone, I can think more clearly.

It doesn’t usually take long for my anger to subside, provided I have the necessary time alone to process my thoughts.

I really hate to be angry.

So I try to resolve whatever issues have pissed me off as quickly as possible.

But I have to be alone long enough to clear my mind.

The longer I hold anger in, the more unpleasant I become.

My advice on how to deal with an angry INFJ who needs space is to give it to them.

Don’t try to keep convincing them of your point of view.

Don’t try to talk them out of being alone. You’ll only make things worse.

Just leave them alone.

They’ll probably come back within a short time and surprise you by better understanding your perspective.


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Quora Answers: Narcissists




Can You Leave A Narcissist Without Telling Them Anything?



You not only can leave a narcissist without telling them anything.

You absolutely must.

If you let a narcissist know you plan to leave him, you will be setting yourself up for failure.

You may think you’re strong enough to resist his manipulation tactics.

But you’re not.

He’ll be able to wear you down.

And once he’s manipulated you into staying, you’ll end up paying dearly for daring to consider leaving him.

If you intend to leave a narcissist for good, your only chance of being successful is to just leave.

And go completely No Contact.

Without ever letting him know a thing.


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Quora Answers: Narcissists



Does A Narcissist Have Fleeting Moments Where He Has A Fond Memory Of A Former Partner, And Really Misses Her?


A narcissist may have a fond memory from being with a former partner.


But it’s not because they truly miss or cared about the person.


The sentiment they feel is more along the lines of how normal people remember a childhood toy or favorite TV show.

Since narcissists profess to love their partners.

And since they’re such good liars, they’re able to convince us that they actually do have emotions.


They’ve been faking it their whole lives.

So they’re really convincing at times.

When they want to be, anyway.

At one time, I would’ve bet every dollar I had that my Malignant Narc ex-husband had loved me.

That he felt some kind of attachment to me.

Even though he was horribly abusive.


The mean-sweet cycles obviously kept me confused.

We were married for 18 years.

It was inconceivable to me that he felt no attachment to me whatsoever.

Not after all those years.

But I was wrong.

Eventually I was able to accept the fact that my entire marriage had been a sham.


It’s simply a cold, hard fact.

Narcissists see no more value in their partners than I see in a bag of nails.


I’ll use a nail when I need one.

But other than that, I never give that bag a passing thought.

It’s the same thing with narcissists and people.


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Quora Answers: Narcissistic Relationships


How Can I Avoid Being Tricked Into Another Relationship With A Narcissist?



First of all, know that as you begin to recover from a relationship with a narcissist, you have been wounded.

And your soul is bleeding.

It’s a wound like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.

It’s no wonder you don’t want to go through it again.

And it’s also completely natural to want to find comfort.

You’ve had to bottle up your emotions for so long that you want to talk about it now.

You need to talk about it now.

Unfortunately, being free from the narcissist doesn’t mean you’re free from the indelible mark that he left on you.

As someone who has suffered at the hands of a narcissist, you’ve been imprinted with an invisible mark.

It acts almost like a mating call for toxic people.

Therapists recommend, that in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, it’s best not to form new friendships or relationships for a minimum of several months after the relationship ended.

The reason for this is because you are vulnerable.

You feel the need to talk about what you’ve been through.

So you may be tempted to talk to anybody who will listen.

The problem with this is you probably won’t be able to recognize all the wolves in sheep’s clothing who are waiting to prey on you.

You’ve already been conditioned to accept abuse.

And predators will want to make you their victim now.

Toxic people will sense your vulnerability.

It’s not a matter of if another narcissist will target you, but when.

The best way to know when you’re ready to start spreading your wings is when you no longer feel the necessity to constantly talk about your abuser or the abuse.

So in the meantime, protect yourself.

Only associate with those closest to you who you know are trustworthy.

Don’t set yourself up for failure because you need to vent.

Find a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse, and talk to him or her.

Don’t talk to the seemingly nice, kind of cute guy in the coffee shop.

The one who you’ve seen around but don’t really know.

Don’t be tempted to pour your heart out to a stranger. Period.

During this self-imposed isolation, educate yourself on the tactics of toxic people.

Arm yourself with knowledge so you will know what signs to look for when you again face the world and rebuild your life.

There are tons of great books out there.

And of course, Quora is an excellent resource.

Take advantage of the experiences and stories that other survivors offer.

Join an online survivor’s community.

You’ll find plenty of people who have been through the same thing as you.

And who are willing to listen and provide insight.

Lastly, be kind to yourself.

Find out who you are and learn to love that person.

Learn to protect that person at all costs.

And never let anyone tear you apart again.


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