Quora Answers: Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder And Psychopathy


Why Does A Narcissist Have To Belittle Others To Feel Great?


To completely understand why narcissists belittle others, one has to understand psychopathy and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Narcissists are obsessed with controlling their victims.

They can’t control people who have healthy boundaries and self-esteem.

So they have to destroy yours by belittling, teasing, and with triangulation, manufactured jealousy, and mean-sweet cycles.

They also do it to cause their partners to self-destruct once they start to see cracks in the narcissist’s mask.

When a victim points out inconsistencies, the abuser fears that he’s losing control.

He wants to make her feel crazy, so she’ll doubt her own intuition.

He does this by employing various brain-washing techniques that began during the love-bombing phase.

By first claiming to love certain aspects of your personality, he conditions you to depend on his approval.

Later, by devaluing what he once claimed to love, he’s able to cause you to have doubts and loss of self-esteem.

Narcissists build you up with the intention of tearing you down.

If a victim appears to be happy, they see that as a threat to their control.

Because they don’t feel happiness like normal people, they despise our emotions.

What they do feel is a sadistic type of pleasure when they’re able to destroy our joy.

They wreak havoc on our lives because they’re easily bored.

Causing conflict and pain for us entertains them, giving them the sadistic pleasure I just mentioned.

Narcissists are cowards.

They’re not capable of maintaining a healthy relationship with a strong, self-respecting person.

So they attempt to strip you of your self-esteem and boundaries.

Controlling you is the only way they know how to keep you.


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Quora Answers: Are Overt Narcissists Easier To Get Along With?




My experiences proved covert narcissists to actually be easier to get along with.

At face value, anyway.

Not that an overt narcissist is always harder.

Sometimes they’re downright jovial and funny.

They can appear to be very easy to get along with.

As long as they’re the center of attention.

If you listen to their stories, laugh at their jokes, and remain a captive audience, overt narcissists can seem to be perfectly agreeable and easygoing.

It’s when you get tired of hearing their stories, or grow bored with their jokes, that things change.

When you attempt to remove yourself, they show their true colors.

Suddenly they’re not quite so pleasant.

In most situations, though, a covert narc will try harder to protect his mask.

He may not openly disagree with people.

And is less likely to reveal hostile feelings.

As a result, he may appear to be easier to get along with.

Eventually though, both overt and covert narcissists will prove themselves to be anything but easy.


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A Little Farther Along


When I started this site I didn’t have the slightest idea what I was doing.

I still can’t say I know a lot.

But I do know a little more than when I started.

The Journey Begins was the easiest choice for the name.

Since it’s a standard WordPress theme, already set up for newbies. 😂😂

And So My Journey Began.

Now that I’m a little farther along, I figured it’s a good time for a progress report.

Kind of.

What I mean is I progressed enough that I finished my book.

And now y’all can pre-order it.

If that’s not progress, I don’t know what is.

I should mention that I really need y’all to do this. Pre-order my e-book, I mean.

Seriously.

All this time I’ve been giving out tons of great information about narcissists.

And also throwing in some laughter.

Just for y’all to enjoy.

Now it’s time to pay up. 😂🤪😂

Not that I’m trying to be greedy. But this shit ain’t free.

It costs money to keep everything going.

Creating good content may not cost my brain any money.

But providing the world with good content does come with expenses.

So with all that said, I need y’all to buy my damn book!!

It’s available for Pre-Order right here on the former Journey Begins.

Which is now called something else entirely.

But y’all know that already.

Anyway, I should probably mention the name of my book.

It’s “What You Need To Know About Narcissists: “Why Cartwheels In Bed And Circusworthy Stunts Won’t Matter.”

It’ll be released on March 1st.

But if you pre-order it here, you get an Exclusive Version of my unreleased e-book “What You Need To Know About Narcissists.”

That one is downloadable in PDF or EPUB format now.

So you really get two books for the price of one.

You just have to wait until March 1st for the second one.

I might add that this is my first time to sell books and I may not do it without making mistakes.

So please don’t kill me.

If I screw up the first time, I’ll keep trying until I get it right. 🥰😂

Ok, it’s time for me to shut up so y’all can buy my book. 😂😂


This is the first book you get. I figured y’all might want to know what you’re getting.

I don’t think I mentioned what the books are actually about.

So I probably should tell y’all a little something at least.

Both books are based on my Quora Answers. They’re compilations of what I think are the most relevant questions about Narcissists. So if y’all like my posts, you’ll love the books.

The link to order is at the bottom of this post. You can also get it straight from my site.

Happy Reading!!


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Quora Answers: The Narcissist’s Wife And Spite


Two Months After Surgery. Notice The Scar On My Neck.


Did You Cheat On Your Narcissist?


Yes, I did.

Before I go any further, let me say that I’m not proud of it.

Not because of anything having to do with him.

But because I believe it’s wrong.

Despite having had an awful marriage, and being divorced, I still believe in the institution of marriage.

I don’t think it’s right to be unfaithful to one’s spouse.

With that said, I’ll tell you why I cheated on him.

I’m not justifying my actions.

But simply telling you my mindset at the time.

For the first fifteen years of my marriage to a Malignant Narcissist, I was completely faithful.

The last three years before I left him were the worst years of my life.

The man I fell in love with no longer existed.

He had been replaced by an abusive monster whose goal in life seemed to be to make me as miserable as possible.

The abuse escalated to a point where I was constantly on High Alert, with good reason.

One morning, without warning, he went into a violent rage.

After dragging me around the house by my hair, he picked me up and threw me onto our back deck.

The way I landed caused three disks in my neck to rupture, essentially breaking my neck in three places.

Because of the location of the injuries, only a neurosurgeon was qualified to do the necessary surgery.

I had to be placed on a waiting list.

It was nine months later before the actual operation took place.

During that time, I was unable to function.

All three disks were pressing on nerves, and as a result, I was constantly in excruciating pain.

By the time I had the surgery, I had built up a lot of anger and resentment towards the narc.

He never once acknowledged any fault for what he did.

He continued to be abusive, despite the fact that I had a broken neck.

I grew to despise him with every fiber in my body.

One day, a couple of months after the surgery, I got a message on Facebook from a guy I went to high school with.

He was living in Atlanta, just a few minutes from where my sister lived.

It just happened to be where my nephew’s wedding was going to be the following month.

Ric and I started talking every day and ended up making plans to see each other when I came to town.

Long story short, we spent two nights together before I went back home.

I never would have even considered doing something like that before the narc so callously threw me outside like trash.

And I didn’t embark on a long drawn-out affair with Ric.

I did it for revenge.

For spite.

As bad as that sounds, it’s the truth.

And that’s why I cheated on my Narcissist husband.


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Quora Answers: White Knight Narcissists


What Exactly Is A White Knight Narcissist? How Does It Differ From A Covert?


In my opinion, a white knight narcissist is the epitome of covert.

He rescues you from a bad situation by giving you money or providing you with whatever you may need.

You’ll be so grateful that you think he’s an absolute angel.

What you won’t realize is that you made a deal with the devil.

By accepting his help, you’ve just given him something to hold over your head.

It won’t be right away, though.

He’ll continue to help you solve the problems in your life.

Or he’ll spoil you with the material things you always wished for, but couldn’t afford yourself.

It’s a different method of lovebombing.

He’ll shower you with nice things and make sure your monetary needs are met.

Once the first gift is accepted, the games begin.

What he’s doing is embedding himself into your life.

And learning everything he needs to know about you.

To use in the second round of the game.

He’s learning your habits and gaining access to your personal business to stock up on the ammunition he’s going to use against you later.

Your gut will tell you something isn’t quite right.

But if you protest about his generosity, he’ll reassure you that he wants to help you.

So he keeps giving. And you keep taking.

Not because you’re greedy, but because you don’t want to hurt his feelings.

It seems to please him so much to spoil you.

You now feel obligated to accept his gifts. After all he’s done for you, what does it hurt to be kind in return?

His intention all along is to make you dependent on him.

You won’t walk away from him because you need him.

At least that’s how he sees it.

What he really means is that you can’t walk away from him.

Because now you owe him.

With a narcissist, it gets more sinister.

Now that he knows so much about you, he’s better able to sabotage your life.

He’ll intentionally set up a bad situation for you.

So he can seem to rescue you again.

Your luck will take a turn for the worse.

You’ll suddenly find yourself calling on him more and more to save you.

What you won’t know is that he engineered it all.

He may buy you a house.

Just so he can burn it down.

Behind your back, he’s spreading rumors about you.

He’s also stalking you to the point that you’re constantly under surveillance.

I could give more scenarios.

But I think I made my point.

So-called white knight narcissists will be your worst nightmare.


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Quora Answers: Narcissists And Control


Are Narcissists Obsessed With You?



No, but they make you think they are right from the beginning.

During the lovebombing stage, they seem to consume your entire life.

They want to be with you all the time.

And when they’re not with you, they keep in contact with you enough that they never leave your mind.

They appear to love and desire you so much that your empathetic nature responds in kind.

You begin to love and desire them.

You want to spend all your time with them.

Before you know it, you’ve become obsessed with them.

Which is what they wanted all along. Narcissists aren’t obsessed with you. They’re obsessed with control.

The easiest way to control someone is to make them vulnerable.

Being in love makes a person vulnerable, and therefore, easier for the narcissist to control.

If you catch on to their lies and deceit and try to leave them, and they know they’re losing control of you, it’ll again appear that they’re obsessed with you.

The obsession is with regaining control of you.

The harder it is for them to do, the more efforts they have to put forth, and the time it takes to achieve their goal, will create another type of obsession for the narcissist.

Again, it’s not with you.

But getting revenge on you.

For daring to leave them and take away their control.

The obsession for exacting revenge by destroying you will consume them.

They’ll go to great lengths to achieve their goal.

And be relentless in seeking your demise.

It’ll definitely appear throughout your relationship with a narcissist that they’re obsessed with you.

But it’s never the person.

The obsession will always be with control. Who they control is just logistics.



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Quora Answers: Narcissists And Smear Campaigns



When A Narcissist Slanders Someone, Is It Because Of Envy?


A Narcissist begins what’s known as a smear campaign against a victim long before the target becomes aware of it.

It’s for future damage control.

So he can control the amount of damage he’s able to inflict on the unsuspecting victim.

Granted, a narcissist will slander anyone.

And yes envy – of normal people with normal emotions – is something that lives within a narcissist.

Though it’s mostly subconscious.

But that’s not the reason for the smear campaign.

In a relationship with a narcissist, there are three stages:

1.) Idealization (lovebombing); 2.)Devaluation; 3.) Discard.

The smear campaign actually begins during Idealization.

The narcissist is setting a trap for the ending of the relationship.

To cause more damage to the victim during the Discard stage.

And as a tool to use when he’s grooming his next target.

In the early days of a relationship with a narcissist, you are happy.

You tell everyone how wonderful he is.

You brag about his greatness to your family and friends.

How he treats you like a queen. Everything is fabulous.

When the inevitable devaluation begins, you desperately try to bring back the glory of the early days.

You believe if you try hard enough, you can restore the bliss.

So you don’t tell anybody that Mr. Wonderful has been treating you like shit.

You don’t yet know the relationship is going to end.

And you don’t want people thinking bad about the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with.

So you suffer in silence.

You tell no one about the mind games and the sickening triangulation.

When it gets to be overwhelming, especially since the narcissist seems to be avoiding you, you finally react.

You send angry text messages demanding answers.

You complain about the awful way he’s treating you.

When he doesn’t respond, you fire off some even angrier messages.

Then he uses those messages to prove to people that you’re unstable and jealous.

You are now the crazy ex to his latest target.

The one he’s in the process of grooming as your replacement.

And though he’s still living with you, she doesn’t know that.

When the narcissist does discard you, no one blames him.

Because he’s already shown that you’re crazy and difficult.

Now you’re alone, heartbroken, and miserable.

You need to talk to someone about what you went through.

So you try to tell people about the horrible way he really treated you.

And nobody believes you.
Because you fell into his trap.

While he’s freely showing off his new girlfriend, you look like a bitter woman scorned.

People see you as being vindictive

You can’t take rejection. So you started negative rumors about him.

After all, you’re the one who told everyone for months how great he was.



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Quora Answers: The Slighted Narcissist


What Seemingly Immediately Happened When Due To A Perceived Slight, A Narcissist Became Angry At His Relationship Partner?


What happened to me when my Malignant Narcissist ex-husband felt slighted ranged from total degradation to extreme physical violence.

Whether the perceived slight was misconstrued, or intentional on my part, didn’t matter.

Once he became enraged, all hell generally broke loose.

For me, anyway.

Sometimes he would spit in my face.

Other times, I got dragged around by my hair.

He almost always hit me in the head with his fist.

At one point toward the end of the marriage, he punched me several times a day.

Often for no reason at all.

But he managed to come up with creative reasons for why I needed it.

If, God forbid, I was driving and he felt insulted, he smashed my head against the side window.

Or poured a Coke over my head.

It’s a miracle that I never had a wreck.

Particular when I was driving 70 m.p.h. down the Interstate.

It’s not like he would’ve had a better chance of survival than I had.

But he had no regard for his own safety either.

That’s how irrational he became when he felt insulted.

It happened in a split second.

He could be calm one minute.

And before I could blink an eye, he would turn into a raging monster.


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Quora Answers: Three Narcissists Who Had To Face The Music



Do Narcissists’ Lies And Betrayals Eventually Catch Up To Them? If So, What Happens When That Time Comes?



I know it seems like narcissists get away with their lies and betrayals without ever facing consequences.

And for a long time, they do.

Eventually though, it will catch up to them.

I’ll tell you about the three narcs who were the most destructive to my life.

And where they are now.

I’ll start with my Malignant Narcissist ex-husband.

After spending several months in jail for cracking my skull and injuring our son’s toe, he was homeless and jobless.

His friends refused to help him again, and he now lives in a camper in the woods.

With no utilities.

He also has no vehicle.

The flying monkeys who were always by his side in the past refuse to have anything to do with him.

Because he shit on them too many times.

He does have a girlfriend.

But she’s extremely unattractive.

I don’t mean to sound superficial.

It’s just that he used to brag about all the beautiful women he’d been with throughout his life.

And that he’d never be willing to lower his standards.

The second most destructive narc was my mentor and business partner for years.

He was extremely hard to identify as a narcissist.

His persona was that of a kind, elderly widower.

After years of covertly sabotaging the lives of his family, friends, and employees, he finally got what was coming to him.

At the age of 80, he was diagnosed with Stage-4 cancer.

He was told that nothing could be done to save his life.

And that he should get his affairs in order.

He was admitted to the hospital and died four weeks later.

Alone.

His daughters and the rest of his family refused to go see him.

His employees were glad he was suffering and also stayed away.

He had told me several times that his biggest fear was of dying alone.

After decades of wreaking havoc on people’s lives, that’s exactly what happened to him

The third narc was my first husband.

He ended up going to prison for possession of child pornography.

He lost his life savings and a high-paying job.

He is now a registered sex offender.

I haven’t talked to him in years.

From what I’ve heard, though, he’s one miserable individual.

With no friends.

And very little in the way of worldly possessions.

Granted, all three of these narcissists got away with their lies and betrayals for a long time.

But nothing lasts forever.


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Quora Answers: Narcissists And Triangulation



When You Confront A Narcissist On Their Infidelity, Does This Cause A Narcissistic Injury? I Saw The Sexually Charged Texts.


Not necessarily.

The cold harsh truth is that narcissists enjoy the jealous emotions they provoke in you.

It makes them feel powerful.

It’s called triangulation.

And make no mistake, it’s intentional.

After the lovebombing stage, narcissists no longer try to hide their infidelities.

In reality, they were cheating the whole time.

They just aren’t ready for you to know until the devaluation stage has begun.

That’s when they really focus on creating insecurities and jealousy in their partner.

By leaving messages on their phone for you to find. By telling outrageous lies.

And by dropping hints thinly veiled as dark humor.

Or they belittle you just to get an emotional response.

When you react, they claim to have only been joking.

Then they accuse you of being jealous, insecure, or overly sensitive.

It’s all a game to them, and the strategy is to erode your self-esteem.

As for why you’ve barely spoken in two months, the likeliest reason is because he’s busy lovebombing another target.

He’s “ghosting” you while he draws in his latest conquest.

The intermittent contact is designed to keep you hanging on until he’s ready to come back.

If you are just becoming aware of narcissists and their patterns, I should warn you that it’s shocking what these assholes do to the people who love them.

It’s very painful to discover that the person you thought was your soulmate doesn’t really exist.

Narcissists lure you in and build you up as much as they can.

Because the higher you rise, the harder you’ll fall.


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Raising Awareness And Understanding Of Narcissistic Abuse