Quora Answers: The Subtypes Of Narcissists

What Are The Different Types Of NPD?
When I Read About This, It Seems My Ex, Who Was Clinically Diagnosed, Has A Dash Over All Types In The Mix.

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are distinguished by which type of narcissism they have, based on their actions. Although those with the disorder don’t necessarily fit into just one category, there are three subtypes: Exhibitionist – also referred to as Somatic; Closet – also referred to as Covert; and Toxic – also referred to as Malignant.

Narcissism exists on a spectrum; therefore, each individual’s symptoms will have different levels of severity. Regardless of category, all narcissists have to meet five of these nine criteria to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

  • A sense of self-importance or grandiose behavior
  • Fantasies about being wealthy, influential, or famous
  • Exaggerating their abilities and accomplishments
  • Craving admiration and praise
  • Preoccupied with beauty, love, power, or success
  • Extreme sense of entitlement
  • Believing themselves to be unique or special
  • Exploiting others
  • Lacking empathy

Exhibitionist Narcissists:

These types always have to be the center of attention. They do not hide their belief that they’re superior to others. Those who are classified as an exhibitionist are the stereotypical grandiose narcissist. Their behaviors are overt, or not hidden.

NPD is a Cluster B Personality Disorder.

They’re bullies who won’t hesitate to yell at waiters and subordinates. Often rude, loud, and obnoxious, they’re easier to recognize than the other types due to their extroverted actions. They’ll never apologize for their behaviors, nor have any remorse for the abuse they inflict on others.

They see nothing wrong with causing pain because they deem everyone as inferior to themselves. They have an inflated sense of entitlement, use others mercilessly to further their own agenda, and completely lack empathy.

They are incapable of loving anyone, including their own children. They’re blatant liars who will deny culpability, even if caught in the act of wrongdoing.

Closet Narcissists:

Closet Narcissists have a completely different persona. They may seem withdrawn or inhibited, often appearing shy and awkward. Unlike the overt, grandiosity of the Exhibitionist, the Closet Narcissist’s behaviors are covert, or hidden.

These types are harder to identify as predators due to their hidden narcissistic behaviors. They are very adept at not showing their true natures, always careful to keep their masks intact. Inside their minds, though, they consider themselves superior and believe others to be beneath them.

Lacking empathy and the ability to form attachments to others, they’re very skilled actors who can easily convince victims that they’re sincere, loving, and kind. They go about sabotaging the lives of others covertly, often being above suspicion due to their outward appearances.

Covert Narcissists are fully capable of physical violence. Maintaining their persona is of utmost importance, which makes them more likely to hire someone else to do their dirty work.

Toxic Narcissists:

Toxic Narcissists are sadistic and horribly cruel, though victims rarely see that side until their lives are already intwined. Their behaviors may be overt, covert, or a combination of both. Prone to violence, they use intimidation techniques to cause fear in their victims.

Like other narcissists, they enjoy creating drama and chaos in the lives of their victims. The Malignant Narcissist takes it up a notch, however. They are the ones most likely to seriously injure or murder their partners.

Sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths, the Toxic Narcissist is capable of unimaginable acts of cruelty, especially to those closest to him. They’re sexually deviant and do not believe laws apply to them.

Besides having NPD, this type also has at least one additional Cluster B Personality Disorder. They may exhibit symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and/or Histrionic Personality Disorder.

Orcid ID 0000-0003-4028-598X

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Narcissists And Parental Alienation

Quora Answers: Why Do Narcissists Introduce Your Children To Their New Pursuits So Quickly? What Is The Motivation For Them Behind This?

Narcissists are always motivated to create drama and chaos with the intention of causing you as much misery as possible. How better to do it than through your children?

Ultimately, they want to subject you to the misery of parental alienation. They may tell the kids you don’t love them anymore or that you wish they had never been born.

They’ll tell despicable lies as examples of your bad behavior. They’ll encourage resentment, doubts, and negative thinking in the children’s minds.

Since kids are easily influenced by their parents, they’ll likely believe a good bit of what they’re told. You can be mother/father of the year, but continuously being told by the other parent that you don’t love them will make them wonder who to believe.

If all goes according to plan, the new person will be seen as a type of savior and become a surrogate parent. Introducing them quickly lays the groundwork to ensure success.

This will drive you crazy, of course, and the Narcissist will enjoy it tremendously. Having to share your children with your ex is bad enough. Competing with the new flame for your kids’ affection is like a stake through the heart.

Normal people don’t want children to be put in the middle of adult issues. Unfortunately, narcissistic parents thrive on it.

Never mind the damage it’ll do to your kids. That’s of no concern to a psychopath.

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What’s It Like For An INFJ In A Long-Term Narcissistic Relationship?

It’s an emotional torture chamber that gradually destroys your spirit, erodes your confidence, and undermines all hope of escaping.

In order to survive, you begin playing a mental chess game against the Narcissist who’s holding you captive.

The odds seem stacked against you. After all, you’re a Novice and he’s the Chess Master.

For a long time, he amuses himself by playing a cat-and-mouse game with you. His confidence soars every time he watches you cower in defeat.

But you’re an INFJ.

So you watch him, and you learn to play his evil game.

It’s not what you want to do. It’s what you have to do to ever have a chance at reclaiming your life.

Being an INFJ is a double-edged sword.

You hate yourself for getting trapped by the devil and becoming a victim. You want to know why the man you married became a monster.

You want to know how someone with a lower I.Q. was able to ensnare you and bleed you dry.

You want answers. You need answers.

You have to have answers because your inquisitive mind can’t stand not knowing.

So you waste a lot of time and energy searching for an explanation that you won’t find until after you’ve gotten out of hell.

You no longer allow yourself to feel your own emotions since that’s the equivalent of committing suicide of the soul.

You begin to mirror the narcissist in order to gain entrance into his twisted mind.

It’s a scary, dark place and evil runs rampant there.

You think like he thinks, and you realize something he’s known all along. Something you used to know, without a doubt.

You’re smarter. You’re stronger. You can beat him at his own game.

So that’s what you do.

You plot a strategy that will enable you to escape, and then you execute your plan.

You finally manage to gain the freedom from hell that once seemed impossible.

What you don’t realize is that you’ll be trapped in purgatory for a while as you attempt to rebuild your life.

Escaping from hell was only the first step in what will be a very long journey to happiness and normalcy.

But you’re an INFJ.

So you figure out what you have to do.

You plot a strategy, and then you execute your plan.

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What’s It Like To Be The Child Of An INFJ?

Today my son told me that I’m weird. I was already aware of his opinion so it came as no surprise. I can’t say I disagree with him, either. I’ve always known I’m not like other people.

The biggest reason for that is probably because of my MBTI Personality Type. I’m an INFJ, which is an acronym for Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging. It’s pretty rare and accounts for only about 1-2% of the population.

My son is different too, but not for the same reason. Colton is fifteen. He’s also autistic with a genius I.Q. Ask him a question about any subject. He’ll give you as much information as a Google Search.

His official diagnosis is Asperger’s, which is a neurodevelopmental disability. He has trouble interacting with people and doesn’t understand social cues.

The bottom line? We don’t get out much. It suits us, though. We laugh a lot and have an amazingly close bond.

For some reason, there’s a lot of speculation about INFJ’s on the Internet. I’ve read posts that so accurately describe my personality, it’s mind-boggling.

Then there are those off-the-wall posts that seem to be talking about a mythical creature.

I only wish they were describing me. I’d be able to predict the future and make the world a better place all by myself.

There are plenty of misconceptions about people with my personality type. One is that we don’t anger easily. Wake me up by startling me out of a deep sleep and I’ll quickly put that silly notion to rest.

I’ll admit it’s kind of cool that there’s so much contemplation about what makes an INFJ tick. In reality, the myth is much more interesting.

Far be it from me to put a damper on anybody’s speculative fun. However, I figured I could at least offer a realistic view of some aspects of the INFJ personality.

A question I’ve been asked several times is what INFJ’s are like as parents. I figured Colton would be better able to answer that, so I asked him. His unique perspective proved to be very enlightening.

Some of the things he said really touched me and brought tears to my eyes. Although I expected to have to paraphrase his observations, he surprised me.

After our initial conversation, he got out his computer and typed it all up himself. These are his thoughts, in his own (unedited) words.

What It’s Really Like To Be An INFJ’s Kid

by Colton Henson

INFJ’s are weird. But then, so am I. As the child of an INFJ, you have to develop a tolerance for certain things. Otherwise, you might as well get someone else to adopt you.

For one thing, you have to understand their need for alone time and not take it personally. You have to learn to tolerate sarcastic remarks and the goofiest sense of humor ever.

Since INFJ’s have very high standards for themselves and their kids, it’s not easy to meet their expectations. You have to get used to being a high achiever or get used to disappointing them.

I’m glad my mom is an INFJ. I wouldn’t change that about her even if I could. They are definitely different, but not in a bad way. The good thing about my mom’s weirdness is that she understands mine. She totally gets me and my kind of insanity.

Alone Time Isn’t A Choice.

It’s A Necessity.

INFJ’s are introverts even though they don’t act like it all the time. My mom can be really outgoing and seem like an extrovert. But inside, she is definitely an introvert.

Being around other people drains her energy and she has to be alone to get it back. I used to feel rejected when she insisted on being by herself.

She wasn’t mean about it or anything like that. She actually spends a lot of time with me and always has. But I wanted to be with her every minute when I was a little kid.

Now that I’m older and need my own alone time, I understand my mom a lot better. If she doesn’t get enough solitude, she can’t think straight.

She’ll go from being an articulate genius to a bumbling idiot right before your eyes. She also gets super bitchy.

I’ve learned to leave her alone when she’s like that. Nothing good will come from trying to talk to her.

You wouldn’t be able to understand what she’s trying to say, anyway. Plus, she’s liable to bite your head completely off.

INFJ’s Know When You’re Lying.

Don’t even bother trying to lie to an INFJ. It never works. They seem to know what you’re going to say before you can get the words out.

Then you just stand there feeling stupid while they stare at you with those intense eyes. It’s like they can look right through you, directly into your soul, and read your mind.

I used to think I could get away with lying to my mom, and I tried plenty of times. I finally gave up.

INFJ’s have a built-in lie detector that hardly ever fails. They may not say they know you’re lying. You may even walk away thinking they believed you. You will be wrong.

They probably won’t ever tell you, but they’re always going to remember your lies. There’s a file in their brains with mental notes of everything you ever tell them.

You may forget what you said, but an INFJ won’t.

Terrifying Anger

INFJ’s are laidback people. They’re good-natured and don’t get mad easily. Everybody has a limit, though.

INFJ’s are no different. What is different is how drastically they change when they do get past their limits.

I don’t mean just being a little aggravated or bitchy. What I’m talking about is the kind of anger that is freaking terrifying.

It doesn’t happen very often, thank goodness. I’m fifteen and have only seen my mom that angry a few times.

I hope I never have to see it again. Trust me. You do not want to be there.

The calm exterior transforms into a Medusa-like villain/warrior who’s about to turn you to stone. But first she’s going to rip your head off.

Strong And Fearless

INFJ’s are brave. They’re willing to take on Godzilla for something they believe in. They may not like confrontations, but they definitely aren’t scared of them.

My mom is a tiny little thing and surpringly strong. (I don’t know if that’s an INFJ characteristic or genetics.) She’s mentally tough and isn’t afraid of anything or anybody.

Life hasn’t been very kind to her. She’s overcome things that would break most people.

I’ve seen her so down and depressed I thought she wouldn’t get back up. Then just like a Phoenix, she rose from the ashes, stronger than before.

No Tolerance For Intolerance

INFJ’s have strong principles and won’t hesitate to stand up for their beliefs. They want to help everybody and will go out of their way to do the right thing.

They despise injustice and look out for the underdog. My mom wants people to be nice to each other but knows that’s not always the case. She’s both an idealist and a realist.

People who are superficial, selfish, intolerant, etc. really aggravate her. She avoids them them like the plague. When she’s forced to deal with them, she’s as cold as ice.

INFJ’s Are Very Intelligent.

INFJ’s use both sides of their brain and their intelligence level is off the chain. Mom has a brain like a computer.

She remembers everything she’s ever read and can break complicated codes. She can also do complex multiplication and long-form division in her head.

I’ve been told I have a large vocabulary ever since I was a little kid. That’s because of my mom.

We’ve always talked a lot and she uses big words. Ask her the definition and correct spelling of any word and she knows it every time.

She has reading skills that are insane. She just looks at the words on a page and reads them instantly.

She’s always teaching herself new things and actually likes to learn. I’m not kidding.

Learning is what an INFJ does for fun. Like I said, they’re weird.

A Wicked Sense Of Humor

INFJ’s have a very unique sense of humor. My mom is super funny and can be really sarcastic. She also has this really nerdy laugh that’s downright infectious.

You can’t help but start laughing too. She’ll say something that’s completely off-the-wall and crack you up without even trying to be funny.

Tears will be running down your eyes and your stomach will hurt. It’s almost impossible to be in a bad mood when she’s around. That’s one of the reasons I probably won’t ever move out.

Loyal And Trustworthy

INFJ’s are extremely loyal, especially to people they love. They won’t betray you or turn their backs on you unless you do it first. Even then, they usually just walk away instead of retaliating.

I know I can count on my mom to be there, no matter what. She’s always got my back and there’s nobody else I’d rather have on my side.

She’s the only person in the entire world that I know for a fact will never betray me. It’s not just because she’s a mother. It’s more than that. It’s because of who she is on the inside.

Lots of mothers betray their kids or turn their backs on them. I can tell you, without any doubt, that my mom will never be one of them.

Brutal Honesty

Don’t ask an INFJ a question if you really don’t want an honest answer.

I’m the one who supposedly doesn’t understand social cues because I have Asperger’s. But sometimes my mom says things to people that even shocks me.

INFJ’s always want people to be happy and don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings. They don’t like to lie either. So if you ask my mom a question, you’ll get an honest answer. Just don’t be surprised if it’s brutal.

People Love Them.

There’s something about an INFJ that is irresistible to most people. I’m not exaggerating. If a man talks to my mom, he’s going to be attracted to her.

I’ve seen both men and women fall in love with her almost on sight. It’s not just her physical beauty.

Her personality is magnetic and she’s got a kind, gentle soul. People are drawn to her like moths to a flame.

I actually feel bad for her because she doesn’t like to hurt people’s feelings. She also doesn’t like to get hit on all the time.

That’s another reason we don’t socialize much. Mom gets sick of people trying to get with her.

They Hit You With Words.

Since INFJ’s dislike conflict they take more crap than the average person. Somebody can say something to my mom that would piss me off.

She mostly lets things go to avoid a confrontation. But like I said earlier, she has limits.

Eventually, she’ll get enough of someone talking crap. That’s when she brings out her weapon of choice, which is words.

They never see it coming. She doesn’t yell or even raise her voice. Without warning, they’re under attack. She’ll calmly say things that cut people like a knife through the heart.

They’ll be wondering how she could possibly know that stuff since they haven’t even admitted it to themselves.

Their deepest shame and darkest secrets are suddenly getting thrown in their face with no mercy.

My mom can bring a grown man to his knees, with tears in his eyes, if she’s pushed too far.

If it’s somebody she cares about, she’ll feel bad about it later. If it’s someone she doesn’t like, she won’t give it another thought.

INFJ’s Are Beautiful.

INFJ’s are beautiful inside and out. They’re loving souls with a remarkable spirit that makes them appear to be angels on earth. They aren’t like regular people.

My mom is the best at everything she sets out to do. She’s kind-hearted with an inner light that shines super bright.

I love hanging out with her when she’s not stressed out. I’ve never felt such peace around anybody else. Being around an INFJ has a calming effect on people, unless they’re evil.

Mean people sense a different side and feel uncomfortable around them. If you get to spend time with them, it’ll be an experience you won’t forget.

Knowing Things Without Knowing How

Since they have Introverted Intuition, INFJ’s get feelings out of the blue about all kinds of things. It may be about somebody or something that’s going to happen.

Whatever it happens to be just pops into their head all of a sudden. The way my mom knows certain things without knowing how is probably the weirdest thing about her.

I don’t mean weird-weird. It’s more like cool-weird. (Unless you’re her kid and you did something you weren’t supposed to do. Then it’s scary-weird.)

More Than A Parent.

I started writing this because my mom asked me what it’s like to be the child of an INFJ. If you’re lucky enough to be their kid, you have a lot more than just a parent.

You also have a best friend, sibling, grandparent, teacher, cheerleader, and mentor. You have someone you can trust who understands you and loves you with every fiber of their being.

The bond I have with my mom is deeper than any ocean and cannot be broken. Having her as a parent is the best thing in my life. Nothing else can even come close.

Click Here For An Excellent Description Of INFJ Nuances By Jennifer Spellicy, Of Harvard University.

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Money: A Narcissist’s True Love

Quora Answers: Did you find that your narcissistic ex was a hoarder of money?

Did you feel like it could never be enough money for them?

Oh yeah, my Malignant Narcissist ex-husband definitely was a hoarder of money.

He stashed his own money, along with as much of mine as he could pilfer.

And no, it was never enough.

He so loved money that he was willing to kill me over it. In an eerily calm voice, he told me as much one morning.

For two of the previous weeks, he’d been demanding almost $20,000 from me. That particular day I was given 24 hours to come up with it.

I’ll never forget the words he used.

“If you don’t have that money for me by tomorrow morning, I’m going to kill you.

You know that, right?”

I had gone to great lengths to meet his demands for money on many occasions.

The amounts were always exorbitant and continued to increase every time.

I owned a successful business back then and made good money. But no amount was ever enough to satisfy his greed.

It didn’t matter what I bought for him or how much cash I forked over. He would just set the bar higher.

I’d tapped every resource at my disposal in a vain attempt to avoid one of his narcissistic rages.

A regular day with a Malignant Narcissist is bad enough. Compared to days when they’re in a rage, it’s a cakewalk.

Those days seemed to last a week. Days when your body, mind, and soul are forced to endure relentless torture.

I was willing to do almost anything to avoid them. But I couldn’t meet his latest demand.

Long before he voiced his intention to kill me, I’d already reached that conclusion. I’d been making excuses for not having the money.

I knew his patience was running out. Still, to hear him say it out loud, to my face . . .

And in such a calm, quiet voice . . .

He left the house shortly afterwards and I wasn’t about to stick around. I grabbed my son and we left town.

Narcissists may not be capable of loving people. But they can damn sure love money.

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Quora Answers: Can A Narcissist Be Faithful?

Is It Possible For A Narcissist Not To Cheat In 35 Years? I Never Caught Him But He Discarded Me When I Had Cancer.

It’s Over. I Exposed Him As A Narcissist And We’re Divorcing.

Why Does He Continue To Deny Cheating?

Anything is possible, but it’s highly unlikely that he never cheated.

You say it’s over, and for your sake, I really hope you mean it.

Your narcissist husband, on the other hand, may have other plans.

He’s probably planning a hoover attempt sooner or later.

It’ll be a challenge for him to suck you back in so he’ll play the fidelity card.

He’ll try to convince you to give him another chance, using his claims of being faithful as a selling point.

Another reason he won’t admit he cheated is simply because he’s a Narcissist.

They never admit to any wrongdoing, period. You could’ve caught him red-handed and he still would’ve denied it.

I understand why you want to know for sure whether or not he cheated.

I’ve been there too.

I was bound and determined to get a definitive answer.

It’s a waste of time and energy, though.

I’m not a gambler, but I’d be willing to bet my right arm that he cheated throughout the marriage.

That’s just what Narcissists do.

You obviously suspected that he was unfaithful.

He’s not going to admit it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Trust your gut and then try to let it go.

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