Money: A Narcissist’s True Love

Quora Answers: Did you find that your narcissistic ex was a hoarder of money?

Did you feel like it could never be enough money for them?

Oh yeah, my Malignant Narcissist ex-husband definitely was a hoarder of money.

He stashed his own money, along with as much of mine as he could pilfer.

And no, it was never enough.

He so loved money that he was willing to kill me over it. In an eerily calm voice, he told me as much one morning.

For two of the previous weeks, he’d been demanding almost $20,000 from me. That particular day I was given 24 hours to come up with it.

I’ll never forget the words he used.

“If you don’t have that money for me by tomorrow morning, I’m going to kill you.

You know that, right?”

I had gone to great lengths to meet his demands for money on many occasions.

The amounts were always exorbitant and continued to increase every time.

I owned a successful business back then and made good money. But no amount was ever enough to satisfy his greed.

It didn’t matter what I bought for him or how much cash I forked over. He would just set the bar higher.

I’d tapped every resource at my disposal in a vain attempt to avoid one of his narcissistic rages.

A regular day with a Malignant Narcissist is bad enough. Compared to days when they’re in a rage, it’s a cakewalk.

Those days seemed to last a week. Days when your body, mind, and soul are forced to endure relentless torture.

I was willing to do almost anything to avoid them. But I couldn’t meet his latest demand.

Long before he voiced his intention to kill me, I’d already reached that conclusion. I’d been making excuses for not having the money.

I knew his patience was running out. Still, to hear him say it out loud, to my face . . .

And in such a calm, quiet voice . . .

He left the house shortly afterwards and I wasn’t about to stick around. I grabbed my son and we left town.

Narcissists may not be capable of loving people. But they can damn sure love money.

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Quora Answers: Can A Narcissist Be Faithful?

Is It Possible For A Narcissist Not To Cheat In 35 Years? I Never Caught Him But He Discarded Me When I Had Cancer.

It’s Over. I Exposed Him As A Narcissist And We’re Divorcing.

Why Does He Continue To Deny Cheating?

Anything is possible, but it’s highly unlikely that he never cheated.

You say it’s over, and for your sake, I really hope you mean it.

Your narcissist husband, on the other hand, may have other plans.

He’s probably planning a hoover attempt sooner or later.

It’ll be a challenge for him to suck you back in so he’ll play the fidelity card.

He’ll try to convince you to give him another chance, using his claims of being faithful as a selling point.

Another reason he won’t admit he cheated is simply because he’s a Narcissist.

They never admit to any wrongdoing, period. You could’ve caught him red-handed and he still would’ve denied it.

I understand why you want to know for sure whether or not he cheated.

I’ve been there too.

I was bound and determined to get a definitive answer.

It’s a waste of time and energy, though.

I’m not a gambler, but I’d be willing to bet my right arm that he cheated throughout the marriage.

That’s just what Narcissists do.

You obviously suspected that he was unfaithful.

He’s not going to admit it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Trust your gut and then try to let it go.

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Quora Answers: The Argumentative Narcissist

Why Does A Narcissist Always Start Arguments Over Little Things?

Narcissists intentionally start arguments in order to provoke an emotional reaction from you.

When the inevitable boredom sets in, they lure you into circular conversations to entertain themselves.

Picking a fight over something silly or inconsequential is pretty much guaranteed to aggravate you.

Conversations are competitions to narcissists, and they play to win. By constantly changing the rules, they know your irritation will increase significantly.

They create drama and chaos to force you to react emotionally. You try to stay calm, but you’re human.

After a while, you’ll have a normal reaction and snap. Once you’ve lost your patience and show your temper, they’ve won.

Now he’ll calmly tell you, in a condescending voice, that you have anger issues. According to him, you’re the one with the problem.

When normal people get into arguments, they’re attempting to resolve some type of issue or conflict.

Narcissists argue to create even more conflict. They especially love when the conflict is within your own mind.

After the argument, you’ll think about what he said and blame yourself for overreacting. You’ll wonder if you’re the crazy one.

First, the narcissist drained your energy with the relentless tossing of word salad. Now he’s continuing to erode your identity.

Because he was able to make you doubt yourself, another layer of self-esteem has been whittled away.

In the mind of a narcissist, that’s two victories in one. With that level of success, arguing is a game they never get tired of playing.

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Quora Answers: The Malicious Narcissist

What Are Some Of The Most Calculated, Malicious Set-Ups You Endured While With A Narcissist?

There are two especially diabolical set ups that stand out for me.

One was intended to kill me. The other was meant to put me in prison for solicitation of capital murder.

Both were terrifying.

I know now that my ex-husband is a Malignant Narcissist, who was very skilled at gaslighting and mind-fuckery.

Toward the end of our marriage, I just thought he was crazy. I had also started to think my own sanity was questionable.

One morning after a nasty argument, the narc stormed out of the house in anger.

I was relieved that he was gone and began putting clothes in the dryer.

Although I couldn’t put my finger on it, something seemed different about the laundry room.

There was nothing glaringly obvious, but an uncomfortable sense of foreboding came over me.

I looked around the room and noticed small wood particles, dirt, and bits of gravel on the floor.

It wasn’t much, but it hadn’t been there the day before. I decided to forget about it and went back to doing the laundry.

As I pulled the lint filter from the dryer, I was shocked to find it stuffed full of lint, gravel, dirt, and paper.

I looked behind the dryer and almost came unglued.

The part of the wall where the dryer connection had been was now solid wall.

No plug. No vent hose. Just a solid wall.

About that time, I heard my son yelling from the kitchen.

He had accidentally bumped into the wall with the pantry door, causing a gaping hole.

Dust and sheet rock were crumbling out of the hole in the wall, making a huge mess.

Upon further inspection, we saw that the hole was more like a tunnel.

Inside was vent tubing from the dryer and an electrical socket.

A long extension cord was plugged into it.

The sudden realization that my husband was trying to cause a fire was like a slap in the face.

My son and I looked around the house for other changes, and our shock intensified.

The doors had been nailed shut and would’ve been impossible to open in the event of a fire.

The only exception was the door in the laundry room.

It wasn’t nailed shut, but my key no longer fit the bolt lock.

I didn’t need to see anything else.

Calling the police would have been pointless. I’d tried that before and had been accused of being on drugs.

I gathered up a few things and my son and I went to a hotel.

The next day I had an electrician meet me at my house.

When we went inside, everything had been returned to normal.

The potential prison sentence was the result of the narc and a flying monkey filing a police report alleging that I was looking for a hit man.

They claimed I’d offered to pay the flying monkey to kill my husband.

Unknown to me at the time, the sheriff’s office began an investigation to substantiate the allegations.

After a thorough investigation, the detectives concluded that it was actually my husband who was trying to have me killed.

For reasons I don’t understand, no charges were filed against him.

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Quora Answers: Why Did I Ignore All The Red Flags?

Why Did I Stay Knowing She Was A Narcissist?

Most likely, for the same reason I did.

Because the benefit of being in love was worth the risk that your instincts were wrong.

In the beginning, you had no idea what kind of hell was in store for you.

How could you have known?

Normal people simply don’t think about choosing a victim to fuck over in every possible way.

It would have been inconceivable to you that the person who mirrored your best traits was actually the devil in a red dress.

In hindsight, it’s much easier to recognize the warning signs you ignored.

Even if you suspected she was a Narcissist, you probably wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, especially if you cared deeply for her.

You were in love and warning signs weren’t really proof of anything.

Keep in mind that Narcissists create an attachment with their victims quickly during the lovebombing stage.

For her, it was a manufactured bond.

For you, it was real.

Once you’re emotionally invested in a relationship, it’s extremely hard to walk away.

You probably thought she could change and remained hopeful that things would be okay eventually.

Now you’re aware that Narcissists destroy lives and spirits.

Hopefully, you’ll be better able to acknowledge any warning signs that arise with any new relationship.

Just make sure not to ever ignore your instincts again.

With that said, I should warn you about the possibility of becoming too cautious.

There’s a fine line between wanting to protect your feelings and alienating someone who means you no harm.

After the hell I went through during my marriage to a Malignant Narcissist, I was terrified of getting hurt again.

Now I’m engaged to a wonderful man.

Ironically, I was suspicious of his motives for a long time for that very reason.

He seemed too wonderful, a real-life Prince Charming.

The problem was that I no longer believed in fairy tales, and he was just too good to be true.

Fortunately, he understood my fears.

He knew what I’d been through and was very patient with me.

But in all honesty, I gave him hell.

It’s very hard to open yourself up again after a narcissistic relationship.

Even if you want to trust your partner, seeds of doubt still grow.

You just have to learn to find the right balance between the past and the future.

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Narcissistic Victim Syndrome And CPTSD

Quora Answers: Is There A Formal Test/Assessment Procedure For Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?

When I began to heal after ending my 18-year marriage to a Malignant Narcissist, I sought help from a psychiatrist for my son and myself.

The doctor talked to us at length, both together and separately.

He explained that Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome isn’t recognized as an official diagnosis.

It is, however, a very real condition that is often accompanied by complex PTSD, which is a recognized diagnosis.

I had heard of PTSD, of course, but I knew nothing about CPTSD.

The difference is that PTSD is generally associated with trauma caused by a single event.

Complex PTSD is the result of long-term physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, and involves an additional set of symptoms.

Both my son and I were officially diagnosed with CPTSD, as well as suspected Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome.

The psychiatrist prescribed anti-depressants and continued to see us on a monthly basis.

He also recommended therapy with a counselor specializing in treating Victims of Narcissistic Abuse.

The symptoms of PTSD and CPTSD are listed below.

I found them in an article from Healthline, written by Gary Gilles and Kelly Morrell, and medically reviewed by Dr. Timothy J. Legg, PhD, PsyD, CRNP, ACRN, CPH.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder with the following symptoms:

  1. Reliving the traumatic experience, including having nightmares and flashbacks.
  2. Avoiding certain situations that serve as reminders of the traumatic event.
  3. Changes in beliefs about other people and yourself, including the inability to trust and feeling that the world is a dangerous place.
  4. Hyperarousal, including difficulty concentrating, insomnia, being easily startled, and feeling jittery or constantly on alert.
  5. Having physical symptoms with no underlying medical cause when reminded of the traumatic event, such as dizziness or nausea.

CPTSD includes the above symptoms, along with the following additional symptoms:

  1. Having uncontrollable feelings, such as pervasive sadness or explosive rage.
  2. A feeling of detachment from your body or emotions, called disassociation, that can include forgetting traumatic events.
  3. Feelings of extreme guilt or shame.
  4. Relationship difficulties, including avoiding people, feeling awkward around others, or quickly jumping into another abusive relationship.
  5. Preoccupation with the abusive relationship, including getting revenge on the abuser.
  6. Loss of religious faith and long-held beliefs, resulting in feelings of despair and hopelessness.

Read about the long-term effects of Narcissistic Abuse.

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