I Know How Murder Victims Feel Before They Die

I can still hear the excitement in my husband’s voice, telling me his plans for that day. His gun was holstered on his hip, and he was holding a large machete, hand-crafted for me. Or more specifically, for my death.

“Are you listening to me, bitch? I’m going to kill you today. But I’m not doing it here. You know that field by the lake in Mer Rouge?

A Time To Kill

I’m taking you there, and I’m going to blow your pretty little head off. Then I’m going to cut your body up and feed you to the fish.”


I was on the floor, hands tied behind my back, dazed from a blow to the head. His fist came out of nowhere, knocking me out cold.

Before that, we were getting along fine, and I was struggling to comprehend what was happening.

“Let’s go. I’ve waited a long time for this,” he said, as he snatched me up by the hair. He dragged me through the house, kicking and screaming.

Without the use of my arms, I knew I didn’t stand a chance, but I wasn’t about to make it any easier for him.

Once he got me outside, he forced me into the back seat of my SUV. Then he smashed his fist into my head, and once again, rendered me unconscious.

A Nightmare That Won’t Wake

“Wake up and listen to me, Serena.This truck is mine now, since you’re about to be dead, so I really don’t want to shoot you in here. But I will, if you try to do something stupid.

You better think about Colton. Remember, I’ll be the one taking him to school from now on. You don’t want him seeing your blood and brains splattered everywhere, do you?

So just stay still and be a good girl. Now is probably a good time to start saying your prayers.”

Never in my life had I been so afraid. My teeth chattered, and my body trembled uncontrollably. Paralyzed by fear, I took his advice and began to pray.

A Conversation With Satan

“Hey Serena, do you remember those big turtles I showed you, last time we were at the lake?

I’m feeding you to them. Won’t be anything left, either. Cause if the turtles miss anything, the fish’ll get it.

Do you know what I mean? The turtles and fish are gonna eat you, and I’m gonna eat them. It’s like I’m eating you myself. What do you think about that? It’s funny, isn’t it?”

He said these things as if we were having a casual conversation. His jovial tone made the words even more chilling, and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.


I was devastated for my son, Colton. He’s autistic, and very dependent on me. My death would be so hard for him.

And I thought about my daughter, Savannah, who died at birth. At least I was finally going to meet her. It was ironic that I had to die to get away from the devil.

“Are you scared? You should be. I know I told you to pray, but it won’t do any good.

God’s not listening to you. He already knows you’re going straight to hell. When you get there, tell your momma I said hi.”

That day still haunts me sometimes. What saved my life was his desire not to go to jail for kidnapping and murder. Driving to the lake, he remembered the security cameras I’d gotten installed. 

It had briefly crossed my mind, but I assumed he turned them off before throwing the first punch.Thank God, I was wrong.



October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Quora Answers: Is Some Narcissistic Supply Better Than Others?



Is The Fuel Derived From Married Or Committed Targets More Satisfying To A Narcissist?

Sometimes it is, depending on the situation.

For the most part, a narcissist doesn’t care one way or another about a target’s relationship status. A target is a target, married or not.

However, narcissists love a challenge and love to cause misery for other people.

If a target is in a relationship with a person the narcissist perceives as having wronged them, their satisfaction will be increased considerably.

The thrill of revenge, along with the excitement of the chase, will make the fuel especially rewarding to the narcissist.

With that said, there are single, unattached targets whose fuel is equally satisfying.

For example, a narcissist finally succeeds in conquering a woman who didn’t succumb easily to his charms.

He had to put forth more effort, and for a longer time, than he normally does. Once the target becomes the victim, and at long last, the narcissist gets the much sought-after fuel, it’ll be especially rewarding, as well.

But no matter how satisfying each target’s fuel happens to be, narcissists still quickly become bored.

They will always seek even more narcissistic supply from other sources. Always.



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Quora Answers: Does A Narcissist Become Cold After Sleeping With A Woman?



In actuality, a narcissist is cold before, during, and after sleeping with a woman. They just act like they’re not while they’re trying to reel you in.

Once they achieve that goal, they fluctuate between hot and cold to confuse you and keep you guessing.

Narcissists are very skilled actors who can convince you that they’re sincere, loving, and that they feel a strong connection to you.

During sex, they’ll look deeply into your eyes and whisper all the words you want to hear. You’ll believe those words and think the incredible sex is strengthening an amazing bond.

Afterwards, you’re left wondering how someone who showed so much intensity can suddenly become cold and unfeeling. The truth is that they may have showed intensity, but they didn’t feel it.

They were only pretending to be warm and loving. The coldness you witnessed is a more realistic view of his true nature, although even that is just a glimpse.

Until you’ve completely lost your usefulness to him, you won’t see the full picture of what lies beneath the mask. Once that happens, cold will be an understatement.


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Quora Answers: Can A Narcissist Be Faithful?



Is It Possible For A Narcissist Not To Cheat In 35 Years? I Never Caught Him But He Discarded Me When I Had Cancer.

It’s Over. I Exposed Him As A Narcissist And We’re Divorcing.

Why Does He Continue To Deny Cheating?


Anything is possible, but it’s highly unlikely that he never cheated.

You say it’s over, and for your sake, I really hope you mean it.

Your narcissist husband, on the other hand, may have other plans.

He’s probably planning a hoover attempt sooner or later.

It’ll be a challenge for him to suck you back in so he’ll play the fidelity card.

He’ll try to convince you to give him another chance, using his claims of being faithful as a selling point.

Another reason he won’t admit he cheated is simply because he’s a Narcissist.

They never admit to any wrongdoing, period. You could’ve caught him red-handed and he still would’ve denied it.

I understand why you want to know for sure whether or not he cheated.

I’ve been there too.

I was bound and determined to get a definitive answer.

It’s a waste of time and energy, though.

I’m not a gambler, but I’d be willing to bet my right arm that he cheated throughout the marriage.

That’s just what Narcissists do.

You obviously suspected that he was unfaithful.

He’s not going to admit it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Trust your gut and then try to let it go.


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Quora Answers: The Argumentative Narcissist


Why Does A Narcissist Always Start Arguments Over Little Things?


Narcissists intentionally start arguments in order to provoke an emotional reaction from you.

When the inevitable boredom sets in, they lure you into circular conversations to entertain themselves.

Picking a fight over something silly or inconsequential is pretty much guaranteed to aggravate you.

Conversations are competitions to narcissists, and they play to win. By constantly changing the rules, they know your irritation will increase significantly.

They create drama and chaos to force you to react emotionally. You try to stay calm, but you’re human.

After a while, you’ll have a normal reaction and snap. Once you’ve lost your patience and show your temper, they’ve won.

Now he’ll calmly tell you, in a condescending voice, that you have anger issues. According to him, you’re the one with the problem.

When normal people get into arguments, they’re attempting to resolve some type of issue or conflict.

Narcissists argue to create even more conflict. They especially love when the conflict is within your own mind.

After the argument, you’ll think about what he said and blame yourself for overreacting. You’ll wonder if you’re the crazy one.

First, the narcissist drained your energy with the relentless tossing of word salad. Now he’s continuing to erode your identity.

Because he was able to make you doubt yourself, another layer of self-esteem has been whittled away.

In the mind of a narcissist, that’s two victories in one. With that level of success, arguing is a game they never get tired of playing.


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Quora Answers: Why Did I Ignore All The Red Flags?



Why Did I Stay Knowing She Was A Narcissist?


Most likely, for the same reason I did.

Because the benefit of being in love was worth the risk that your instincts were wrong.

In the beginning, you had no idea what kind of hell was in store for you.

How could you have known?

Normal people simply don’t think about choosing a victim to fuck over in every possible way.

It would have been inconceivable to you that the person who mirrored your best traits was actually the devil in a red dress.

In hindsight, it’s much easier to recognize the warning signs you ignored.

Even if you suspected she was a Narcissist, you probably wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, especially if you cared deeply for her.

You were in love and warning signs weren’t really proof of anything.

Keep in mind that Narcissists create an attachment with their victims quickly during the lovebombing stage.

For her, it was a manufactured bond.

For you, it was real.

Once you’re emotionally invested in a relationship, it’s extremely hard to walk away.

You probably thought she could change and remained hopeful that things would be okay eventually.

Now you’re aware that Narcissists destroy lives and spirits.

Hopefully, you’ll be better able to acknowledge any warning signs that arise with any new relationship.

Just make sure not to ever ignore your instincts again.

With that said, I should warn you about the possibility of becoming too cautious.

There’s a fine line between wanting to protect your feelings and alienating someone who means you no harm.

After the hell I went through during my marriage to a Malignant Narcissist, I was terrified of getting hurt again.

Now I’m engaged to a wonderful man.

Ironically, I was suspicious of his motives for a long time for that very reason.

He seemed too wonderful, a real-life Prince Charming.

The problem was that I no longer believed in fairy tales, and he was just too good to be true.

Fortunately, he understood my fears.

He knew what I’d been through and was very patient with me.

But in all honesty, I gave him hell.

It’s very hard to open yourself up again after a narcissistic relationship.

Even if you want to trust your partner, seeds of doubt still grow.

You just have to learn to find the right balance between the past and the future.


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