Quora Answers: Are Empaths At Fault For Allowing Narcissistic Abuse?


Why Do Empaths Consider Themselves To Be Victims Of Narcissists? You Have A Gift. If You Allow A Narcissist To Harm You, Whose Fault Is That? Narcissists Actually Are Victims. Someone Made Them That Way. Our Job Is To Help Heal, Not Walk Away.


Because empaths have a gift, do you think they can’t fall victim to predators?

My MBTI Personality Type is INFJ, so I also have the gift of Introverted Intuition.

Yet having these gifts doesn’t make me infallible.

I’m still an imperfect human being who makes mistakes, as well as errors in judgment.

I was married to a Malignant Narcissist for 18 years.

During that time, I experienced a plethora of abuse by a man who had transformed considerably from the person I vowed to love, honor, and cherish until death.

Do you think having empathic traits bestowed me with the knowledge that my husband would become a monster?

And that I chose to marry him anyway?

If that was true, then yes, I would be at fault for allowing him to harm me.

After all, forewarned is forearmed, right?

But I didn’t know.

I was completely blindsided when Jekyll became Hyde.

Still, I can admit to being at fault for tolerating his mistreatment for far too long.

I didn’t want my marriage to fail.

And I endured things that I shouldn’t have.

In a vain attempt to make things work.

I accept responsibility for believing his lies.

I fell for his false persona, hook, line, and sinker.

Does that mean, from your perspective, that I deserved to be mentally, verbally, and sexually abused?

I brought it on myself.

So I shouldn’t be upset that he physically assaulted me repeatedly?

You say it’s our job to heal, not walk away.

I tried everything I could to help my ex understand that abusing people is wrong.

And that he needed help to overcome his anger and rage.

He didn’t want help.

And he viewed my efforts with contempt.

He saw absolutely nothing wrong with his actions and chose to remain a monster.

If someone caused him to be that way, I might see some accuracy in your point of view.

Part of why I tolerated his abuse for so long was because of his lies about being abused as a child.

I used to believe that everyone had good within them.

And that people were not inherently evil.

I admit fault for wrongly believing those things.

My ex-husband was not abused as a child.

He was not neglected.

And had all of his needs met by people who loved him.

His stories of abuse were completely fabricated.

Nobody made him become an abuser.

He had the free will to make that choice on his own.

Turns out there are some people who are just evil.

And he’s one of them.


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Originally Answered On Quora.

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