What Do The Terms “Hoovering,” “Flying Monkeys,” Etc. Mean When Talking About Narcissistic Behaviors?
“Hoovering” refers to the narcissist’s ability to suck the victim back into the abusive relationship after being previously discarded.
It’s so named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner.
A “flying monkey” is someone who serves as a proxy for the narcissist. In order to abuse the victim on his behalf.
In “The Wizard Of Oz” the flying monkeys were used by The Wicked Witch to abuse Dorothy.
“Mind-fuckery” is exactly what it sounds like. But it’s not always easy to recognize.
For example, you have questions. And you really need satisfactory answers, in order to ease your mind.
Because the answers you were given don’t make sense to your logical way of thinking.
So you ask for clarification. But only end up more confused.
You’re made to feel somewhat ridiculous for not blindly believing everything you’re told.
Then your empathy is manipulated further because suddenly you’ve hurt their feelings.
And now it all becomes about how badly they feel.
How much you hurt them.
So you must not really love them. Or you wouldn’t be asking these things.
What has happened is the focus (your need for logical answers) has shifted.
And you end up trying to reassure them that your love and loyalty are real. And you never get the answers you needed.
Because your mind was fucked into pushing your own needs aside to placate the manipulator.
“Love-bombing” is a term used in the beginning of a narcissistic relationship.
It’s also known as the “idealization” stage.
This is when the narcissist convinces the victim that they are soulmates.
They mirror the victim’s hopes, dreams, and insecurities to quickly form a bond.
They’ll appear to be the perfect partner because they have so much in common with the victim.
By showering their partner with compliments, attention, and professions of love, the victim quickly becomes dependent on the narcissist’s approval.
Once this happens, and the predator is convinced he “has” the victim, the second stage in a narcissistic relationship begins.
It’s commonly referred to as “devaluation.”
During this phase, the narcissist suddenly becomes extremely critical of the victim.
Everything he claimed to love about her during idealization now angers or annoys him.
Gradually things get worse and the narcissist is both outwardly and covertly abusing his victim.
“Crazy-making” and “gaslighting” are techniques employed by the narcissist at this point.
These terms are used to describe the narcissist’s ability to completely ignore evidence of wrongdoing on his part.
For example, the narcissist slaps his partner across the face.
When she reacts, he calls her crazy. And boldly denies ever laying a hand on her.
If she continues to protest, he starts accusing her of slapping him.
Narcissists want to distort their victim’s reality. So they will begin to question their own sanity.
So they dismiss the obvious evidence. And accuse the victim of being too sensitive or paranoid.
Eventually the victim’s sense of reality becomes distorted. And she doesn’t trust her own instincts.
The final stage in a narcissistic relationship is the “discard.”
This is when the narcissist abruptly ends the relationship.
Usually without any warning to the victim.
This is done in order to maximize the victim’s pain and confusion.
The more devastated the victim, the more powerful the narcissist feels.
As he moves on to his next source and repeats the cycle.
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Originally Answered On Quora.
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