Coping After A Narcissistic Relationship
The Question: Realizing the narcissist did not really feel any empathy and love for me makes me intensely sad.
It’s almost too much to bear.
Can anybody relate to this? And how do you cope with it? It hurts so much.
I can absolutely relate to this.
As can every other victim who has been duped by a narcissist.
You are so right.
It is intensely sad.
So painful that you can’t imagine ever being able to get over it.
And you don’t.
Not for a long time, anyway.
Even then it’s more like you just finally learn to live with it.
In the aftermath of an 18-year marriage to a Malignant Narcissist, I was utterly confused and completely uncertain about what to do to even try to heal.
I read everything about Narcissism that I could get my hands on.
I learned that I wasn’t the crazy one after all.
And I finally got some validation for the way I felt.
But I still had this godawful ache in my belly.
And I was still so profoundly sad!!
Knowledge may be power. But it wasn’t powerful enough to stop my pain.
The books and articles I read told me I’d feel better once I healed what was wrong inside me to have tolerated the abuse.
And just how the hell am I supposed to do that?!!
Facing my inner demons.
If I had known how to do that to begin with, I wouldn’t be in this situation, now would I?
I could understand this advice on an intellectual level.
But emotionally, I didn’t have a clue.
Then one day I started reading the book “Psychopath Free” by Jackson Mackenzie.
And it reached me in a way no other written words had.
In the book, the author describes a scene where he finally was able to reach the young boy he had been.
He gives readers such a powerful example of self-reflection that it cuts through all the confusion.
At least it did for me.
Suddenly I knew what I needed to do.
So I did what the author suggested.
I won’t try to kid you. It’s painful.
You have to allow your conscious mind to go where it hasn’t been willing to go yet.
You think you’ve been pretty damn strong considering you survived hell.
And you are.
But merely surviving still isn’t living.
You have to identify your original injury. Your original abuser.
Then you have to face that pain head on.
If you don’t, you’ll still be trapped.
Without knowing what’s holding you captive.
Obviously what works for some people won’t work for others.
But at this point, what else do you have to lose?
Originally Answered On Quora.
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